If You Have To Ask

March 3rd South Bend Tribune article title
... jury: Define 'reasonable doubt'

Now if you ask me, if you have to ask what reasonable doubt is...you have it.

(The jury went on to convict the individual on 4 of 5 counts. It was Scooter Libby in case you were interested.)

I Eat, Therefore I'm Hungry

It was nearing lunch hour the other day and I was checking with Barb to see what her lunch plans were. I was getting hungry. Hungrier than I get on a normal morning. Normal mornings I grab a glass of juice and I'm fine till noon. This particular morning I had eaten a breakfast of eggs, bagels, cream cheese, fruit. A plate full. And because of that, I was getting hungry about 11:00. Seems odd doesn't it? I don't eat, I don't get hungry before noon. I eat, and I'm chomping at the bit mid morning to get more to eat.

Postman's Secret

Isn't it great how our postmen (or postpeople) keep secret the strange things they know about us? You can tell a lot about a person by what they receive in the mail. The catalogs/magazines that one receives gives insight into who they are. For example, Barb receives a number of apparel catalogs as well as magazines like Better Home & Garden. From that you would know that she is into clothes and things about the home. But then what about the Critics Choice catalog she receives? It's a DVD retailer. You might think she's into movies. Wrong. Just like me receiving the Victoria's Secret catalog. You might think I'm into women's lingere. Wrong. You buy one little gift at Christmas and Bam! you start receiving mailings. Oh well, I'm glad the postman can keep secret what mail we're receiving. Hmmmm I wonder what I'm going to do with this postcard for a pair of free delicates.

Polite Bathroom Scales

My bathroom scales are polite. They're the digital kind of scales. You step on them and in a second the digital weight to the closest half pound displays.

Every morning when I step up on them they display my weight, 186. I step off and say "That can't be right." My scales are just trying to be nice, kind of like when you ask your spouse or a friend ... "Do these jeans make my butt look big?". "Nahh".

Well, my scales are just trying to make me feel good about myself. So I say, "Be honest" and step back on the scales...187.5. Now that's more realistic. I thank my scales and step off. Every morning, the same thing. My first ask is provided with a polite answer. My second one the realistic one. Hmmmm I wonder what "polite scales" go for on E-bay...Nah, I couldn't do that to my wonderful scales.

(The actual weight in this blog has been changed to protect the overweight.)

TAC Eeeee!

I just found out the other day that my 3 year old grand-daughter has already done drugs. Cocaine to be exact. I about drove off the road when I heard it. Here's how it came about. Recently she ran into the corner of a door and put a gash in her forehead. She was taken to the emergency room where they treated her and stiched her up. She slept through the stiches (4). She's a tough cookie. Well, they used a topical anesthetic called TAC to numb the area before stiches. TAC stands for tetracaine-adrenaline-cocaine. I'm wondering, since the gash was like a crack would you say that she's done crack cocaine?

The good news is that she's been in rehab with her parents and has been drug free for over a week now.

Now I Remem.......ber

I'm noticing that my memory isn't functioning the way it used to. It's not that I forget things. It's just that they take longer to ...... remember sometimes.

Sunday, my friend ..... Dr. Bradley Smith (I like to throw names around) suggested we do lunch later in the week. There was an eating establishment, I'll remember the name later, that he wanted to check out in downtown Mishawaka. We agreed on Tuesday. At that time I thought to myself about an errand that I should do while downtown with Bradley. Tuesday arrived. I remembered that there was something that I wanted to do while downtown, but ..... I couldn't remember what it was. I thought and I thought. Traffic must have been re-routed in my brain or there must have been a huge traffic jam. We finished our lunch, which took exceptionally long considering the small number of diners at Carol's Downtown, and I still had not recalled what it was that I wanted to do.

Well, finally Wednesday morning, in the bathroom (I must do some of my best thinking in the bathroom as I'm waking up) the traffic in my brain flowed freely and I remembered that I wanted to pick up some vacuum bags at Advanced Cleaning. Oh well, I'll have to make a special trip now. I wonder when I'll remember to make that special trip?

Batteries not included

The grandchildren were visiting over the weekend and they were enjoying the multitude of toys that Barb has been able to acquire from her weekly garage sale adventures. Barb has saved a significant amount of money building up our toy holdings that way.

Jackson Dean was playing with a police helicopter and we noticed on the bottom side a door about the length of AA battery and about the width of two AA batteries. Wanting our grandchildren to be able to enjoy the toy to it's fullest, we decided to remove the door and load it up with batteries.

Surprise, surprise! When we removed the door (that was representative of so many other doors we have removed to insert batteries) we were greeted with a little compartment that contained a sticker saying "This is not a battery compartment". That's strange. It looked like a battery compartment to me. The plastic even had raised images of AA batteries showing which direction they were to be inserted. It did not have any metal contacts, the only thing missing for a batterycompartment. So if this was not a battery compartment then what kind of compartment was it? A place to hide your wedding ring, an extra key, M&Ms.

Take a look for youself. Doesn't it look like a battery compartment to you? Click on the picture to get a closer look.



Actually, I think a lawyer is behind this. Here's how it probably went down.

(Board Room with Product Marketing, VPs and the company lawyer)
Marketer: So, here we have our new toy helicopter. It uses two double A batteries and the helicopter blades rotate just like a real helicopter.
Lawyer: You'll put some kid's eye out. You can't have the blades rotate.
VP: But we've already manufactured 50,000 of them.
Lawyer: You'll get sued when some kid get's hit with the rotating blade.
Marketer: So we're just going to dump this project and all the money we've put into it?
VP: There's got to be a way that we can recoup our investment here.
Lawyer: Take out the motor and the battery contacts.
Marketer: But people will see the battery compartment and then return the merchandise thinking it's defective.
Lawyer: Put a sticker in there telling them this isn't a battery compartment. It's either that or get sued.